Fourth Trimester Honesty: Maternity Nurse Maartje Prepares You for Postpartum

When you’re pregnant, all anybody can talk about is the birth. The plan, the due date, even what’s in your hospital bag. But now the baby is here, and you have more than a few questions. No worries: like always, we at the Parent Hideout have your back. 

When you’re pregnant, all anybody can talk about is the birth. The plan, the due date, even what’s in your hospital bag. But now the baby is here, and you have more than a few questions. No worries: like always, we at the Parent Hideout have your back. 

Feeling like family

Maternity nurse Maartje and her daughter Sara describe their care as “feeling like family” and “moving with” the family they are helping. But what does this look like? “We don’t walk in with a fixed checklist that has to look the same for every family,” Maartje explains. “Every family is different, and every parent experiences those first weeks in their own way.” Sounds reassuring so far, right? Maartje continues, “Sometimes, ‘moving with’ a family means offering very practical support and bringing calm into the home. Other times, it means mostly listening, giving space, or helping parents trust what they are already feeling themselves.”

What types of feelings? “Joy, uncertainty, exhaustion, love, frustration. The post-partum week is often incredibly intimate and vulnerable. In those moments, it helps enormously when maternity care does not feel like a stranger coming in to monitor you, but like someone standing beside you,” Maartje elaborates.

Expectation vs. reality

Many first-time parents go into this post-partum week imagining blissful bonding, new baby smell and the cutest little outfits. Then they get hit with hormones, uncomfortable stitches and no sleep. According to Maartje, this is quite common. “I think many parents underestimate how huge the transition really is. Not only physically, but emotionally and mentally too. Your entire world suddenly changes. You can feel an overwhelming amount of love for your baby while at the same time, you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or even a little lost.”

Two things that most new parents aren’t ready for? Lack of sleep and a rippling effect in their relationship. “Sleep deprivation tends to hit much harder than people expect,” says Maartje. “On top of that, many parents notice their relationship suddenly changes too: everything becomes about caring, planning and simply surviving. That is completely normal, but it is something people are rarely honest about beforehand.”

Real talk about feelings

Speaking of honesty, it’s so easy to feel guilty if, as a new parent, you don’t instantly enjoy every moment. The key to fighting the guilt, says Maartje, is “making it something that can be talked about openly and without judgement. I think many women are shocked by their own feelings because they expected to feel nothing but happiness. But the fourth trimester can be incredibly intense.”

Time to take a deep breath and know that less-than-positive feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. “I try to remind parents that multiple feelings can exist at the same time,” Maartje explains. “You can deeply love your baby and still find it hard. You can feel grateful and sad at the same time. That does not make you a bad parent—it makes you human, going through an enormous life change.”

More support from the maternity nurse

Maartje describes the foundation of her care as freedom, trust and connection. Within that framework, she acknowledges that practical things like medical checks need to be balanced with giving parents space to make their own choices. “Safety will always remain important, of course,” says Maartje. “We closely monitor the health of both mother and baby and involve midwives or other healthcare professionals whenever needed. But we also believe in autonomy. For us, it becomes less about ‘how it should be’ and more about: what does this family need right now? Sometimes that means creating extra calm. Sometimes it means helping parents let go of expectations. Sometimes it literally means saying: today, nothing matter except recovering and holding your baby.”

One thing the expert wants to be really clear about: “Parenthood is not perfect, and it does not have to be. We try not to make parents feel like they are being ‘tested,’ but instead encourage them to discover what works for them. Confidence often grows when parents feel they are allowed to trust their own intuition.” This goes for the parent who just gave birth and their partner. “We really try to make partners feel like an equal part of the care, not just ‘the helper’. We actively involve them in caring for the baby, so they can build confidence in their own role as a parent.”

When post-partum care isn’t enough

Maartje admits that sometimes, a family needs more support than a maternity nurse can provide. For example, when it comes to mental health. “When there are signs of severe sadness, anxiety, trauma or complete emotional exhaustion,” she says, “we always approach that conversation very gently and without judgment. Not from a perspective of ‘something is wrong’, but from care and genuine concern. It is important that parents feel supported and understand that asking for help is not a failure—it is strength. After that, we also help connect them with professionals who specialise in this kind of support.”

Final words to live by

We asked Maartje what she’d say to every potential parent to help prepare them for the fourth trimester—without sugar-coating, and with honesty and love. She delivered, in a big way. 

“That it will be harder than you think—and at the same time, more beautiful in a way you cannot yet fully understand. You do not have to do it perfectly. You do not have to enjoy every moment. You do not have to have everything under control. The most important thing is being present, continuing to communicate, and staying gentle with yourself and each other. And maybe most importantly: ask for help. Parenthood was never meant to be carried alone.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Which is why we’re so happy to have you as a part of the Parent Hideout community. After all, we’re in this together, right?