Midwife Vic Puts Your Pregnancy and Birth Fears to Rest: 'You Are Already Enough'

Midwife Vic knows your brain is exploding with a thousand "what ifs" now that you have a baby on the way. So, make yourself a relaxing cuppa and breathe. She's here to help you through it.

Worry and love come from the same place

One thing Vic wants to be very clear about is that those racing thoughts in pregnancy are common. "So many women I care for feel the same," she shares. "The environment and culture of birth right now is really difficult so it would be reasonable to feel worried. Your brain may be swinging between environmental risk and your own personal journey. This is your brain trying to protect you from potential problems, by attempting to control every possible situation. The worrying comes from a place of love for your baby, the need to protect yourself and your baby and trying to get in front of every possibility. It can sometimes feel like these worries are escalating out of control, causing a constant physical effect on your body. This is when we need to recognise the change from common worry that needs support from your midwife, and specialist input from perinatal mental health teams. Talking about how you are feeling is the best way to figure out where you really are on this spectrum of anxiety."



Breathing your way down from anxiety

Vic offers concrete advice about keeping worry at bay. "When the 'what ifs' come, try not to argue with them, just notice them and bring yourself back to what's true in that moment. One of my favourite tools for this is breath," she says. "A few slow breaths into your belly genuinely switches your nervous system out of that panicky, racing gear and into a calmer one. It's physiology."

She continues, "You can't think your way out of anxiety, but you can often breathe your way down from it. Once you've helped your nervous system arrive at a more regulated place, the next step is to connect with a midwife or trusted birth worker who can walk through each worry with you."

Control the controllables

Our brains generally do not like situations they can't control. Pregnancy and your journey through birth often throws up a number of things we feel we are unable to control, and that can be particularly challenging and confronting for someone who usually has a firm grip on what's coming next. Whilst you might not be able to know the exact outcome ahead of time, you can become clued up on all of the possibilities through labour and birth so that nothing is a surprise. This is where prep ahead of your birth, in the form of learning, with solid antenatal education comes into its own. It can literally change your entire birth experience.

When asked for advice, Vic offered this: "My advice to families who understandably like to feel in control, is to control the controllables by picking an environment, investing in education and importantly, carefully picking a practitioner, who they can trust to guide them through potential twists and turns of birth. You can't complete a degree in pregnancy to know every single situation you may face and every outcome. But you can work with someone who is incredibly experienced. They become your constant and can guide you if there's a sudden change."



Vic also mentions the importance of recovery, both emotionally and physically. "This is recovery from major abdominal surgery. Understanding pain management, muscle rehabilitation, and scar care are essential." Vic also emphasises that emotional recovery matters every bit as much. "I want to say this very clearly," she states. "A caesarean birth is a birth. You grew and birthed your baby. Skin-to-skin is absolutely possible in the operating room, breastfeeding is absolutely possible, sometimes with a little extra support in the early days, which is something I help families with all the time. Your birth story is allowed to be whatever it actually is. It can be one that is celebrated. It can also be one that feels deeply disappointing if you weren't planning it. Either way, every single emotion you feel is valid, and deserving of support from someone who is experienced in this kind of care."

Protecting yourself from "perfect" social media pregnancies

Things can get very emotional when you're scrolling through Instagram as an almost or new parent. Vic wastes no time debunking the perfect pregnancy and birth myths. "The highlight reel is only going to show you that 2-second clip of birth or pregnancy that looks perfect. It doesn't show you the vomiting that came behind, or the bloody show. It doesn't show you the anxiety at 3 am or the haemorrhoids that mean someone is unable to sit down."

Ouch, are we right? But naturally, Vic has some great insights about protecting your mental health during pregnancy. "Protect what you digest from social media and what you end up feeding your brain. It doesn't matter if the logical side of you knows this is unlikely to be totally truthful. It will be convincing enough to make you feel that everyone is doing better than you. That you are failing in some way. Trust me on this one. You are not."

Should you get off social media completely during this time? Not according to Vic. "Curate your social feed, mute, unfollow or block people regularly and without a second thought," she advises. "Join communities of like-minded people, women who are experiencing similar journeys to you, who are going to make you feel a lot less alone and way more understood." You can also find a midwife or birth worker online who won't be shy about sharing the truths of what pregnancy and birth are actually like and will make that sanitised highlight reel look like the fantasy it actually is.

Body, baby and mind of the newly pregnant

Finally, we asked Vic for three pieces of grounded, compassionate advice for every newly pregnant person who is navigating the months ahead. She delivered, in a big way.

"For your body: Trust it and support it. Your body has an extraordinary amount of wisdom in it, and your job is to work with it, not to fight or fix it. Rest when it asks, move it gently, support it physically where it's struggling and whatever kind of birth you have, treat your recovery as something that deserves real care and patience, not something to 'bounce back' from. There's no medal for rushing.

For your baby: You are already enough for this baby. Not the perfect nursery, not the perfect birth plan, not having read every book, just you as you are. The thing that a baby needs most is a mother who is cared for and supported, so anything you do to look after yourself is also looking after them. They're far more robust, and you're far more capable, than your anxious brain will let you believe at 2 am.

For your mind: Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend. The pressure you're putting on yourself to do this 'right', you would never dream of putting on someone you love. Lower the bar from perfect to cared for and safe, lean on your people, breathe through the wobbles, and know that whatever shape your birth takes, you do not have to do any of this alone. There is always support, and asking for it is a sign of strength, never failure."